Bible Hub: Solomon Sizzling Psalms : And then it'll just go down the list. It's because it kind of does it in like that song. Welcome back to the show. I am Jesse Cole Ward, which means this must be... Peggy! Bottom Shelf Bible Study. Peggy Caroline Murphy. Peggy Man, my brother just found out he's in an open relationship. Oh, cause isn't he married? Yeah. Oh. I don't know if she was his better half, but she definitely took half of his best shit, so. Well, that's. Did you know there's porn in the Bible? I just learned it. Smut talk. I would have been reading the Bible so much earlier. The Song of Solomon is like, if Proverbs smoked weed and dated a barista. That's hilarious. I thought it would be fun if we did a bottom shelf Bible study episode where we translated it the only way we know how. Excellent. Okay. I like this idea. Let's just take a stab at it. Let's see if we can really royally fuck this up. The way the only bottom shelf Bible can. No, this is good. I like, uh, love letters and such. Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest is my beloved among the young men. I delight to sit in his shade and his fruit is sweet to my taste. I can't talk right now. That's so funny. This is where it's confusing when everyone's like throwing shade like it's a bad thing, right? Right. Let him lead me to the banquet hall and let his banner over me be loved. Oh, it's his baby banner. Don't get it in my eyes. Don't get it in my eyes. Strengthen me with raisins and refresh me with apples, for I am faint with love. You don't want to do food stuff in the bag, just crumbs everywhere. That's how you get ants. His left arm is under my head and his right arm embraces me. Grab her right by the pussy. My beloved spoke and said to me, arise, my darling, my beautiful one, come with me. See, the winter is past. The rains are over and gone. Flowers appear on the earth. The season of singing has come. The cooing of doves is heard in our land. The fig trees forms its early fruit. The blossoming vines spread their fragrance. It's baby-making season. That is, that is too. I'ma buy my baby, I'ma hold her tight. Go ahead, sorry. Morrow's always been. So, my dove in the clefts of the rock in the hiding places on the mountainside. Show me your face. Get over here, you goat mouth. I would have kissed you. Because your voice is sweet and your face is lovely. Man, I've seen this new girl, bro. It's not all physical stuff. I mean, we do that stuff too, but dude, I think I respect her opinion. Oh my god. I think they call that love muchacha. Okay, so catch for us the foxes. The little foxes that ruin the vineyards are vineyards that are in blue. That baby's gonna tear it from A to V. I'm gonna enjoy it right now, but it's gonna tear it up. Oh, damn. All night long on my bed, I looked for the one my heart loves. I looked for him but did not find him. I will get up now and go about the city through its streets and squares and I will search for the one my heart loves. It's a bar skank. So I looked for him but did not find him. What was his name? The watchmen found me as they made their rounds in the city. Have you seen the one my heart loves? Scarcely had I passed them when I found the one my heart loves. I held him and I would not let him go. And stage five clinging is absolutely okay. It says so right here. I mean that it's okay. It means I love you. What the fuck? What was that Looney Tunes show? It's like, I want to love you, squeeze you, and hold you. I just want to hold you forever. Oh my god, I can't breathe. I know. That's funny. Um. Continue. I will hold you and not let you go till I had brought him to my mother's house, to the room of the one who conceived me. You wanna go fuck up my mom's bed? Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field. Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires. Don't force it. Is that what it meant? Yeah, that's what I give it. Because I thought it meant you're not done fucking till you cum. But I like yours is much sweeter. Yeah, yeah. That is. For sure. That was a loud laugh. Okay. Who is this coming up from the wilderness, like a column of smoke perfumed with myrrh and incense? We call the whispering hello. Run home! Oh, nice. You've stolen my heart, my sister, my bride. You've stolen. Excuse me? No, no, it's cool. She's my step. Siblings of Christ. It's okay. Premature. Your lips drop sweetness as the honeycomb, my bride. Spit in my mouth. Let my beloved come into his garden and taste its choice fruits. The wake north wind and come south wind. Blow on my garden. I want to make sex with your body. Waft my pussy right up into death everywhere. That's awesome. I want to suck your sex. No, that's actually kind of good though. Like, that's, I'm gonna taste my sex. That is, that's sexy. That's some Solomon talk. I've eaten my honeycomb and my honey. You've tasted your own honeycomb? That's tasting the sex. That's it. You're welcome. The dudes are always like, you taste your own, honey. Yeah, I've tried it. Anyways, I'm derailing this whole thing. Okay. I slept, but my heart was awake. Listen, my beloved is knocking open to me, my sister, my darling, my dove, my flawless one. Aw. I know. My head is drenched with dew and my hair with the dampness of the night. I have taken off my robe. Do I have to put it back on? I washed my feet. Must I soil them again? My beloved Yeah, I put your feet in my mouth. My beloved thrust his hand through the latch opening. Like the whole hand. You've been working on that garden all day. Oh, that's fair. That's fair. That's funny. My heart began to pound for him. I arose to open for my beloved, and my hands dripped with myrrh. My fingers were flowing myrrh. Tell me myrrh. There was myrrh everywhere. It was in my hair, in my mouth, on my face, on my feet. Oh, I had opened for my beloved, but my beloved had left. He was gone. Oh, it's a wham-bam, yeah. My heart sank at his departure. I called for him, but he did not answer. She called an Uber. Oh, he Ubered out of there so fast. That's sad. Post not clarity. Post mere clarity. Aw. My beloved is radiant and ready, outstanding among ten thousand. His head is purest gold. His hair is wavy and black as a raven. His eyes are like doves by water streams washed in milk. His cheeks are like beds of spice. His lips are like lilies dripping with myrrh. You know what they say, young, dumb, and full of myrrh. Oh, that's funny. His body's like polished ivory decorated with lapis lazuli. His legs are pillars of marble. I could watch him plow those fields all day. My beloved has gone down to his garden to the beds of spices to browse in the gardens and to gather lilies. I am my beloved and my beloved is mine. He browses among the lilies. You are as beautiful as Terza, my darling, as lovely as Jerusalem, as majestic as troops with banners. Yeah, but that's in a banner, like a circle banner. Like a circle banner. Yeah. Okay. Your teeth are like a flock of sheep. Ha! Coming up from the washing, each has a twin, none of them missing. God, I love her. Yeah, it's so fucking sexy. Her teeth are perfect. It's worth mentioning that not even one's missing. She's just like a camel, bro. Because of her humps? No, it's the way she spits. To be appreciated for just all of you, is that not so good? But my dove, my perfect one, is unique. The only daughter of her mother, the favorite of the one who bore her. I went down to the grove of nut trees to look at the new growth in the valley and to see if the vines had budded. And before I realized it, my desire set me among the royal chariots of my people. Just for like a second. Just for a second. You don't even have to touch it. I just want you to put your face right next to it. Close your eyes and tell me what you smell. Your navel is a rounded goblet that never lacks blended wine. And they're doing belly shots. Oh my god, you're That's plentiful. You're so fat. I love it. But it's the best kind, right? Like, we're not going to suffer to famine and you're going to feed my babies and I love that. Because your breasts are like two fawns, like twin fawns of a gazelle, your neck like an ivory tower, and your eyes are the pools of Heshpin. By the gate of Bath Robin. By Bath and Robbins. I don't know if we'll have enough time. Your nose is like the tower of Lebanon looking toward Damascus. Your hair is like royal tapestry. The king is held captive by its tresses. How beautiful you are and how pleasing, my love, with your delights! Your stature is like that of the palm, your breasts the clusters of fruit, and I will take hold of its fruit. And may your breasts be like clusters of gripes on the vine. Grapes on the vine. No gripes. There's no gripes on your grapes. I love your grapes. Your grapes aren't the problem. The fragrance of your breath like apples and your mouth like the best wine. Just everything. Yeah, no, it's all pretty, pretty. It's all so romantic. Like, I even love it when you're stupid. I got a hint of golden shower right there at the end. I'm just joking. Oh, that's hilarious. Ew. I'll, ew. Let us go early to the vineyards to see if the vines have budded. If their blossoms have opened and if the pomegranates are in bloom. If it's wet, you can touch it. Hear it out when it's petty and pet it when it's sweaty. The mandrakes send out their fragrance and at our door is every delicacy, both new and old, that I have stored up for you, my beloved. If only you were to me like a brother who was nursed at my mother, then if I found you outside I would kiss you and no one would despise me. Everyone hates when I make out with my brother. That's funny. I would lead you and bring you back to my mother's house. She who has taught me how to love my brother. You know, like when you're a kid and your mom did you have, huh? Oh, you guys didn't have that extracurricular? What? Well, I was, I was the best at it, that's why I asked you. And now people are like getting paid for that stuff. Yeah, it's like a whole preferred porn thing. Are you allowed to do that? If they're step, it's okay. Is it le- They're acting! They're really good. So, they deserve rewards. Who is this coming up from the wilderness leaning on her beloved? Under the apple tree I roused you. There your mother conceived you. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. There your mother conceived you, and there she who was in labor gave you birth. Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm, and let's go clubbing for love. What? No, we party. What? Oh my god, for love is as strong as death. Death, it's jealousy and yielding as the grave. It burns like a blazing fire, like a mighty flame. I gotta get it just checked, man. It burns when I pee. Oh, it's only when I pee, though. It's not all the time. Oh, that's love, man. It's a yearning, I think they call it. Yearning? Yeah. This is gonna be an awkward phone call. Shower me in your love. Many waters cannot quench love. Rivers cannot sweep it away. If one were to give all the wealth of one's house for love, it would be utterly scorned. Oh. Utters. Utters. The breasts were like that of a cow. That is an insult. What's your takeaway, Piggy? Always a bridesmaid. Never the whore. Never the, you're perfect the way you are with your hairy legs and goat face. What the shit is that? I'm really happy for her. Hey, bitch. It actually is a really beautiful story. No, it really is. This was about. Some of it is about sex. Well, yeah, like. Let me sit in your shadow and taste your balls. Yeah, I just want to examine your fucking, your passion fruit. I just want to take whiffs of your wafts. Maybe some of that from under cheese. And go with my belly button wine. Right. That's really cute though. Yeah. No, see, I hear it and I think it's more like... Sex is a part of life and the Bible talks about it. You know, love is real, passion is real, and it's all a part of this thing that we're doing called life. Yeah. And it's a gift. Sex is a gift. You give that shit away. It was like literally the first thing God told Adam and Eve was like, now be fruitful and multiply. He's like, make more of you. You guys are going to have so much fun when you're doing that sex thing. And they did, I think. They did it a lot, yeah. They did it so much. They're like, man, that one killed the other one. I guess we're gonna have to have another one. Adam's like, kicking the babies into the river. Uh-oh. I don't know, we were just, he was right there a second ago. He was so clumsy. That's funny. Well, on that note. See ya. That was fun. No, thank you for. Hey, if you liked it, you should like the show and subscribe. Otherwise, you'll miss it. We're dropping these bangers. Will you drop more like myrrh on a face? Oh, the myrrh. What are you going to do when we have myrrh episodes? Myrrh-ers? Not know about it? Tune in next time we get hot and steamy with the Bible. I'll tell you all about how the bells move. Down here on the bottom. No, see, that's hot. That was good. It doesn't make that sound.

Pyro-prophet - May 1, 2025

00:00:00 Unknown: We're sorry. You're welcome. Cool. So my friend, like one of those people who never looks at the road while he's driving, my friend like, whoa, spins the car. And we start spinning on the fucking freeway. And we're looking at each other like, oh my God, what the fuck just happened? And we totally missed every car and we just kept driving. And then he looked at me like, See what I just did? You see those driving skills? I'm awesome. Like you didn't just spin the car on the freeway. I think you guys caused the accident that I was stuck in traffic on. I'm like, oh, look, Peggy. Oh, look, oh, that's funny. That's good. Um, no, I wasn't. That didn't happen. We made a follow-up. Still not done. I mean, I'm just grateful to be alive. The alternative is death. Hey, do you want to hear a funny story? Okay, so earlier I was talking to my coworker and the conversation led into his Michael Jordan tattoo. Oh, that you did. That I did. And it looks good. There's a few things I want to add to it, like a moon underneath him, like he's jumping. Or Michael Jordan. Point was, it was him jumping over the moon, like the dish that ran away with a spoon, but it was sheep, and then I was like, yeah, like the black sheep, and he was more like a goat, and I said the black sheep thing again, because I thought it'd be funnier. Wasn't. Funny how it doesn't get funny here. Yeah. See what I didn't do this week. What didn't you do? Not one time have I called down fire from heaven. You know who does. Oh. Elisha does. I do know who does. I knew that one. He's so good. You want to hear the story? I do. Elijah is a... Right. I am a man of God. Oh, dear. You guys look hot. King Azazul. That's how you say it. Aha, Zayah. Aha, Zayah. He sent, well, captain and fifty men, so fifty-one And Elijah looks at him and he's like, well, If I'm not a man of the Lord, fire will fall down from heaven and eat all of you. And you just burn them like, ow, ow, that was close. Right. I am a man of God. And oh, dear, you guys look hot. But this fire consumed them. They were no longer there any longer. So King Hazaya is like, do it again. Challenges him. fifty-one more men go. fifty-one more men die. A third group comes. Oh, shaking at the knees like fuck. Like I picture wet chihuahuas like street rats. Just shivering. We don't want to be here. Good thing we brought 150 men. So Elijah was a man of few words and the words he spoke made fire rain from the skies. It was dope. Another time he was challenging 400 prophets of Baal. He was like, you killed two bulls and like, man, you're gonna take yours. And they danced around this stupid thing. Nothing. No fire from heaven. He starts taunting them. He's like, well, maybe you got tired and he's taking a nap. Oh, maybe he's on siesta. Maybe you're not screaming loud enough. Maybe you should Cut yourselves more. Sorry, maybe you're singing loud enough. You guys look really pathetic. I've been talking shit. I can't even go in. You're so good at it. Hilariously though, prior to this bowl off. We're having an official sack of ice off. The official sack off. Prior to that, their god bails the... The god of bailing? Many times prophets were speaking the word of God. Elijah was really good at kind of just letting God know what was going on. And I was like, okay. All right. I got you on this one. And this one. Yeah, that guy's face was wild. And he's like, all right, bring my bowl. Now bring some water. Get it soggy. Right. And then he calls on the Lord, I'm paraphrasing of course, something to the effect of, if you are the God of Israel and there's one God, then consume this bowl. And fire comes down from heaven, whole bowl, all the water, all the stones, all the, every single thing. And it was gone. 400 prophets of Baal, he was He killed them. He killed all of them. All 400 of them. He's like, all right, King Azul, it's going to be raining soon. Hurry up at Hightailed Home before it gets wet. He's like, yes, we're going to rain. He girded up his voids and ran back to the kingdom on foot before the kingdom even got there. thirty-five miles per hour. Booked it. Oh, man, I wish we were filming that. That was great. I could just hit a Terminator two run. I was thinking dumb and tender, but T2 is way more cool. So thank you for seeing that. Okay, so another good fire story. We're gonna go forward to Jesus. I love Jesus. Jesus. And the Sons of Thunder. The Sons of Thunder are, they're fun. I bet they were fun to go out with just as a whole. I don't know that I would like them drunk. Right? Those are the guys always ordering shots on everyone and then you gotta pay for it. Oh, we're our sake bombers all around all the time, but you guys are never to be found. Sons of Thunderstruck again. That's awesome. All right. So James and John following Jesus and they get to Samaritan. Samaritas? The Samaricaras? A good Samaritan. Good Samarites. Samarites. They were not really keen on Jesus. And the two are just like rolling each other up. Hey, Jesus, do you want us to call down fire on him? Do you want to, we can burn them. And he's like, no. While Elijah had good spirit, no. We're not here to kill people. That is not my message, you two. That's funny. So I think that was great because the idea is Jesus would love to fill you with within. It should burn from within and you should spread, spread that love and joy like wildfire to others. Fire from heaven. What's your takeaway? I'm really gonna like the New Testament. Yeah, New Testament. I've always told you. You're gonna love the New Testament. Yeah, and I have always dug my heels in. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I'm excited for you. What's your takeaway? Faith. Yeah, Fred Doors. Did you watch Woodstock though? I've seen things. I didn't watch it. I wasn't there. No, I mean, okay, that's fair, but what's up? I was there with my rock fist and everything. Yeah. Oh, I just got two, yeah. Pack two. Pack of one right here. Fred Durst, the way it was portrayed that he incited a riot. I don't know. Chocolate starfish is playing for a butthole. This is true. Did you know you can get chocolate molds made of your butthole? I didn't know that actually. One day. I'm going to lovingly gift everyone chocolates. They're just shaped like the inside of my colon. You're welcome. You ruined my Christmas. I just want someone to love me enough. I shouldn't have to do this myself, right? Hey, I think my neighbor did that once and that's how they figured out that they had colon cancers. Oh, I hate that. There's the old, when you got my butthole molded for you and found out I had cancer story. Regular bleaching gone wrong for sure. Oh, well, on that note. Sun your buttholes, everybody. By fire from heaven. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. You're sorry. You're welcome.

The Bronze Serpent and Philistine Foreskin -March 7, 2025

00:00:00 Unknown: Well, welcome back to the show. We're sorry. Welcome. Bienvenidos. Tell me Peggy, um, how are you doing? I'm doing well. Well, let me tell you how I'm doing. That's about it. I'm doing well. How are you? Well, it's cool. Like the, like the whiskey. Like when I order a drink at the bar. Yeah, it's basically like that. Except I'm... The house specials. The house specials. How are you? I'm doing, I'm doing just fine. That's excellent. We are here in Peggy's bedroom. We are, you might hear cars passing by because she lives under the freeway. No, I'm just joking. I'm just, I'm just joking. It's like a troll troll. Yeah, troll troll. It's a cult troll. It's a culture troll. It's a culture troll. It's the PC culture troll. The PC culture troll. Um, yes, so that's how, that's how we're doing. Um, things are going well. We are 100% doing it for the fun of it. Um. I have fun. I have so much fun. That's good. Yeah. You'll never work a day in your life. If you don't go to work. If you just wake up late every day. It's excellent, actually. You'll never work a day in your life if you continue to get fired. Yeah, and even if you... Do you have a job that you didn't get fired from? Many a people go and just still don't do work. I know, I decided to work for myself at one point in my life, and I realized I'm a terrible employee. I was gonna fire me, but I quit showing up, so. You ghosted yourself. I was like at the bar one night and be like, what am I going to tell me tomorrow? That's excellent. But you know what? You should be your most sympathetic self to yourself. No, but I'm really good. I tricked myself every time. I was like, okay, well, you can have it this one time. Tonight's gonna be different, I swear. I'm sorry, I had to go to my brother's funeral. I was like, your brother didn't die. How do you know? Well, I'm me. Oh, yeah, that one again. Okay. No, really. Oh, shit. I got questions about the legitimacy of your brother's funeral. That's terrible. By who, my brother? No, it's not, Peggy. That's funny. No, my old ex-employer. I'm just joking. Um, so Bible stories, Bible thumpers. Let's do a quick one. Let's do the bronze serpent. Bronze serpent's so much fun. Okay, this is why we love Old Testament God. Like... Here we have his favorite Egyptians, not the favorite Egyptians, we have his favorite Israelites leaving Egypt. Mm-hmm. And they're bitching and they're moaning. And they're like, mm. They're like, bitch, bitch, bitch, moan, moan, moan. Mm-hmm. 100%. They're bitching and moaning because they're having sex in between bitching. What? I've never understood the saying, but I'm not good at sayings. Did it ever say they were happy? The bitching and the moaning. It's like, you guys are either bitching or you're fucking like, what's the bitching and the moaning, right? One or the other, we can't have both. They did, they did try to have their cake and eat it too. But here's the thing. So they're like, we were slaves, but we were fed every day. And the food didn't suck. Moses, food sucks now. This is awful. We have no water. Everything's gonna be... Nothing good came out of their mouths. You know what God did? What did God do? He sent him snakes. And they were fighting people. People were dying, just left and right. And then they're like, oh, shit. Can you tell God we're sorry? I think we made a mistake. Oh, you know what I, right? The bread was way better than dying by snake bite. They're hiding in the bushes and just snapping at us. Right, which sucks because you know in the desert there's like one bush. Oh, man. The one that didn't burn down. That's awesome. So then God takes their apology and he's like, okay, I'll give you a cure. Hey, Moses, go make them a snake statue. That's so funny. I know how much you guys love your statues. And it's just so funny. You look at it, you look at it, and focus on healing, and it will come. And it's like, man, those snakes bit me. How do I look at that and not be pissed off? Okay, I'm sorry. You're right. I don't want to die. Right. I don't want to die. And the food wasn't that bad. The bronze serpent. That's that. How do you feel about it? I think that's just a wonderful story about a bronze serpent. It is. He actually gave them very clear instructions as well. Like, go ahead and destroy it after, you know, the snakes are gone and we're done with it. And they didn't. They kept it and worshipped it and idolized it and stuff, so. And in true Jew fashion. Like, well, it was free. The quintessential Jew thing to do is whatever I want to do and tell you how you're doing it wrong. I heard a pretty fucked up joke today. It's like, they should stop saying free Palestine because it's just going to make the Jews want it more. Oh, no, that's funny. It's funny because it's true. Yeah, it's fucking hilarious. Funny because it's Jew. That was good. I appreciate the humor in it. It's so good. It's so funny. It is. It really, it's really funny. I feel like you might be kind of mocking me slightly, but no, no, it's very funny. I'm the one who said the terrible joke. Oh, are you talking about your joke? I thought you were talking about the story. Oh, no, no, the story's funny too. But yeah, your joke was, your joke was funnier. No, no. I'm just kidding. Oh, man, well, they're equally as true. Yeah, I think people think that Old Testament God was a bully. No, he's just God. I just really like him though. He's just God. Yeah, he's just God. He made so much sense. In other news, another blitz real quick, jumping ship here. King Saul told David, go get me Philistine foreskin. Give me like 500 or something like that. He said, he said a number. I'm totally wrong. And David was like, okay. So Saul wanted David dead and he kept trying to kill him and David, that sneaky little stone thrower, he just never got killed by Saul. So Saul's like, okay, I'm gonna let the Philistines have him. David, go get me 100 foreskin. He's such a good servant too, he's like, I'm gonna give you a thousand. He comes back with double. And he's just like, oh, could you imagine the look on Saul's face? He's like, oh. How are you still alive? How did you get near all that dick? You got not one but two full sacks? Right. Oh, we didn't even have to kill them. I just asked to see their dicks. Whole bushels. They came out by the bushels. That's so good. I love that. No, that really is. Any time that David would play his harp, King Saul would take a spear and lunge it at him. And everyone thinks it's because the spear was messing with Saul, but I'm starting to wonder if like maybe like... Maybe David just wasn't that good at the harp. David, no, David was an excellent harpist. He just only knew that one song. He just knew one song. He was like, you guys want to hear Freebird again? Oh, that's so good. Yeah, and I imagine that after some time it was just not okay. I don't know why he didn't sabotage the harp. Oh, man. Well, you think so? I think you tried. But guys, that's gonna be the Blitz. That's the end of the Blitz. Bye. Thanks for hanging out. We're sorry. You're welcome.

The Perfect Crime - April 24, 2025

00:00:00 The Perfect Crime: We're sorry. You're welcome. Welcome back to the show. My name is Jesse Coldward and as always, Peggy Caroline Murphy. Peggy. What's up? What's going on in your world? Feels like the first time. Every time. Every time. That's because of your amnesia. That's because you're forgetful, silly. Yeah, no, um, I'm happy to be here. It's Easter weekend. I'm happy to be here. Happy Easter. Hey, happy, happy Resurrection Sunday. Because we had Good Friday. Thank God it's Friday. TGIF. Every Sunday is a resurrection. Wait. That's not right. Good Friday. Good Friday. I'm going to take a moment to honor it for what it was. In other news, Peggy's insurance rates went up because they found out she was letting Jesus take the wheels. They don't like that shit. You cannot, you are not allowed to have drivers drive your car if they're not on your policy. Especially unlicensed drivers. Especially unlicensed ones. Dang. In other news, I give up paying for my auto insurance for Lindsay. Ooh, that's good. I have decided to give up being oppressed. So. That's good. What story are we going to talk about today? King Egland. King Eglund. What the fuck? I know. We're gonna keep it with judges. He was confused with Humpty Dumpty. Oh. In a sense of he was big. It's Humpty Dumpty, uh, the OG-hood. The OG-hood. No, that's really good. They were the Southpaws. So. Ironically, the Benjamites, God's right hand. Okay. But Ehud was a judge, he was a lefty. These are important facts, both being fat and being left-handed. Because... We're not fat-shaming, we're shaming the man. Correct. We are shaming. We're not shaming the man's fat. The fat man's fat is fine, but we are shaming, shaming the man. We're shaming the man behind the fat. And all of his taxes, because those taxes. We're taxing. We're taxing on everybody a lot over and over and over again. So with that, Ehud came to pay his dues in his bag of money. That's it. He brings like a little . It's like little monies that you put in your Easter eggs. Did you find Easter eggs with money in it growing up? How? What? Okay, so when the bunny hides eggs for my daughter, there's money inside of it. That's really cool. It's not a lot of money. Sometimes it's... What does she do when she eats it? That's funny because she prefers the chocolate coins over the real coins. And don't we all? No, that's not true. You prefer coin coins? I prefer coins coins. Did you do egg hunts when you were little? No. Oh. I did a couple. Like... But sometimes when you got to the park earlier and the other family didn't start yet, you could go around and look for them. That's actually, no, you know what? That's a really good idea. It adds a little extra layer of fun to it. No, it's a good idea to go put eggs out in the park for other people to find. That's genius. I love it. Okay. So. Ehud goes, uh, he's tired of being oppressed for the Israelites are all just fed up and he goes to pay him his dues and then he's walking out and he turns to the king Eglin and says, I've got a message from God for you. Crap. Crap kills. Oh, that's funny. So the king lets his security guards out of the room like, oh, this is going to be a good one. And Ehud walks up sneakily. With his left hand, pulls out his double-edged dagger from his right thigh and stabs him right in the belly. Oh, man. Stomach swallowed it all up. His stomach swallowed the whole dagger. And no one found it. No, he hit pay dirt, though, because it all came out like shit. What do they think? They think he just, like, exploited open? He was all vowels. He's like, man, he just, he finally happened. He ate so much he popped her. Oh, but I think I'm dying. It was like, that's the only thing that makes sense. That are what the faggy left-handed kid stabbed him. Yeah. Yeah. You're right. He probably popped. I mean, that's just good science. He was because he was a lefty and how nice to fly under that radar. Yeah. Again, this is pre nine eleven So they weren't doing the same security checks. He didn't have to take his sandals off or anything. He was an invalid. So, uh, the security was out the door or on the other side of the door. They smell poop and they're like, I'm not stepping in that. I don't want to go in there. So they gave. So they just locked the door and never went to that part of the castle ever again. Ever again. No, they definitely didn't go back for quite some time, um, which was enough time for our little Benjaminite to go get his buddies and And do a sneak attack on the Moabites and kill thousands of them. That's awesome. To where they got the kingdom back. eighty years of peace. eighty years. Which is one of the longest stretches of peace. Over one knife sandwich. It's a nickel sandwich or a dagger to your bowels. Yeah. They stabbed him right in the stomach too. Yeah. You stomach-stabbing son of a bitch. It was a double-ended dagger. He sat my back's back. That's funny. Um. No, why is that a good story? Because... Because the guy's fat literally swallowed the whole night. And it's just funny that in the old days people thought the left-handed people were like lesser. Seriously. Like, truth be told, he might have had a little bit of a... He might have had a bit of a tism. Aw. He had HD-dantism. They really underestimated him. And... Rightly so. So God uses? Left-handers. Self-paws. Despite popular belief. It's the lucky rabbit paw. Not for one to believe Jesus was a left hand. That's also ridiculous. That's also really funny. Take away. Do you love that story? I think that's, that was fun. I think it's a good story. It's a good little blitz. Uh, it's a good reminder that even if you are missing one hand, you will always have the upper hand with God. That is some bullshit you just shat out of your face if I've ever heard it. You appreciate it, that was good. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, you can take that away. I just think that it's great and the whole world will never have hungry again. World peace. That's world satiation. One nation under satiation. There was world peace for eighty days or eighty years, right? eighty years. That's a lost generation. Yeah, most of them were like in the two decade period. Thanks, I guess. That's cool. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. I like, I just like how cunning that guy is. He's like, not only am I going to stab this guy and I'm going to sneak past the guards with his weapon, I'm also going to get on his good side and tell him I have a present for him. And he's gonna get all fat manly jolly about it. The only thing that would have made it better is if he had walked out and been like, hey guys, he said he needs a minute. And they're like, okay. Yes, he's in the bathroom. Yeah, that's like, that's how you get yourself busted one-on-one for sure. Guys, he's gonna need a minute. But they probably would have been like, oh god, we can smell it. We believe you. Yeah, so we get it. Yeah. The point is also, Always take company with you when you go number two because you never know what's gonna happen. Uh, never eat the dagger stomach first. No one ever goes poop with me. All right, on that note, guys. Happy Easter. We got news? Oh. Do we? Peggy's still got a podcast. She's gonna be starting soon. Oh my God. He's right. So good. Oh, was that a teaser? That was a teaser. Okay, cool. I like it. And yeah, thank you. Coming at you straight from the mouth of the, your favorite, your 297th favorite podcast. Yay! Did we go down? Yeah, we went up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But who's counting? Perspective. We're sorry. You're welcome.

Judge Debbie- April 24, 2025

00:00:00 Unknown: Welcome back to the show. I'm Jesse Cole Ward. As always, this is Peggy Caroline Murphy. I spit when I talk. It happens. You know how I always come to you for relationship advice? Oh my god. I don't know why I keep telling you not to. Stop it. That's funny. Anyways, so this chick I'm dating, she wants to start having do it while we're talking about doing it at the same time. Whoa. Kids call it dirt talk. So, I'm gonna work with her, you know? You're gonna talk dirty. I'm gonna talk dirty. Oh, man. I'm really good with sex words. Sexy words have to be good. Bad. They're gonna be bad words. They're gonna be sexy talk. Spank me. Peggy, please, come on. This is serious. So I'm practicing. Wait, what? What, I was worried about it affecting my performance. So I call the phone sex hotline. I hand her the phone. And you talk to her. She's like, what the fuck is this? She's being completely unreasonable. That's funny. Man, I think calling someone in the better words, that's a great idea. I know. Nothing can be better for someone's self-esteem. I know. That's actually really good. I know. Listen, will you try to call her? On your phone? Yeah. Hey. I just got off the phone with Jesse. That's funny. No, that was good. Uh, so, better luck next time. You know, next time. What was her name? Was it Deb? Debra. Oh, no. Not your judgy ass. Wow. Anyways, so, Debra. Debra is a judge and she's a badass. She's such a badass. She really is. And I'm not too familiar with all the judges. But so far, the two that I know, super cool. Super dope. Super debber, debber, debber dope. You know, Debra and Samson, those are your two so far? Yes. That's cool. We should continue to dive into Judges because Judges are dope. But when I think Debra, I think of like Crocodile Hunter. Yeah. But a girl version. I don't know why. She's just like, crikey, mate. You're a fucking moron. Oh, that's cool. Walking around, you know, steel-tailed boots at safari gear. They're not even just like alligator skin. They're full of live alligators she's wearing as her shoes. Anyways, sorry. Go ahead. That's hilarious. You should see her bells. Uh, that's good. So, here's our characters. We got them. We have Barack, not... The one that you're thinking of. Not Obama. Not Obama. Well, more like no-bama. I was just gonna say that to you. That's good stuff. He is the... He's a bitch. He's kind of a bitch. He's a guy who, like, he needs to speak to a manager for sure. I've been waiting here for fifteen minutes. To be fair, the Israelites are just up to their regular bad behaving selves and they're in another time of oppression. When you're caught between a Barack and a... Who's a pressing man? Man. Cicera. Hey, doll, that's a rip. He's at it again. What a dick. And then we have Yale. Yale is sweet and she's not an Israelite. Yale. She's just a housewife. Yale, Yale. Walk around. Walk around with Yale. I think about it when I hear that name. Do that one more time. Yale, Yale, walk around with Yale. It's all about all up in my nasal. It's about cocaine, but this is not cocaine. This is Yale. Because she's all up at that temple. I can't feel my face when I'm with you. No, that's really good. So, so basically Deb's like, listen. Deborah comes through Barack. Barack. The leader of the Israel army. I keep wanting to call him Obama now, so. Well, don't. Thank you. Thank you for that good advice. So sound. So she goes to him and says, God told you what to do. You're not really listening. So I'm going to tell you that you need to go get some men, like 10,000 of them perhaps, and go fucking fight. I have a feeling like he's like trying to act like a badass in front of all his other colleagues. He's like, man, you know what I told her. I walked in there. I said, listen here, Debbie. And they're all just like, get all quiet. He's like, she's right behind me, isn't she? Oh, dear. Hey, Deb. You heard me wrong. It's not what I meant. So he's like, yeah, and I will go if you go with me. Yeah, she's like, sure, I don't have kids or anything to do. I'm only judging the entire nation of Israel, but sure. But I'll tell you this, Cicero will not die at your hands. He will die at the hands of a woman. Enter Rosie the Riveter. Oh, that's great. So, they're out there and he was terrified. They had 900, like, tanks, gold chariots, heavy-ass armor. The old steel chariots. Big ol' cannon chariots. Big ol' steel ass chariots. So steel came from the, and this is actually a fact, steel came from the Philistines were the ones who started, they were the iron workers. They brought along all sorts of technology as far as those day and age technology wise as far as iron goes. That makes sense. How to build shit out of it and what not. Do you think that's where they learned how to make the ox guards? What are they called? The plows? No. A spear? Yeah, better anyway, yeah. Yeah. Aerodynamic. Oh, we love aerodynamics. Anyway, so they were terrified of this Cicero and his big army. These tanks. I can tell you he's got big tank energy. That's funny. So they go out there and God throws them a bone like, of course he would. I don't know why people forget that God is there because he's there. And he's also always there. Like always. So. Yeah, with like a personality and everything. Oh, he's funny. He is. Yeah, go ahead. Go, no, go ahead. No, no, no, I don't want to derail it. I'm going to save this for the takeaway. Oh, okay, that's good. So, you're right. So, they go out there, God throws them a bone, throws them a storm, and all of these big ass tanks just get stuck in the mud. Yeah. You ever feel just stuck in the mud? You ever have those days where you're just not so fresh? Yeah, sissy did. Got stuck in the mud. And that dick, he runs off. He leads his crew. He left us. I just think of like Jurassic Park. He left us. He left us. He did. Yeah, he did. He just. Sneaks off out of there and comes across a tent where we introduce Yeo. Yeo. It's funny that Brock saw him go in there too because he wasn't dipping out on his arm here. No. Oh, yeah, yeah, he's like, I'm gonna go after him. Everyone else is just. Dad, you got this, right? Piss going down his pants. That's not funny. I don't think he was. No, he wasn't that bad. No. He was. Deb made him go before they got into battle. Let's be serious. Before we leave. You're gonna have to try anyway. I know you told me you didn't have to, but you're gonna have to. You better fucking go. So... The last, oh, that's funny, okay. So, he comes across the tent, and this is why Yale was there, because she's just this fair maiden. Someone's wife, though, for sure. Little Susie tentmaker. Little Susie tentmaker. Aw, that's sweet. She invites him in. I'm in here for refuge. I'll take care of you. I'll read you a story. Wow, you, it must be so hard and boring all day. Tell you how important you are. Yeah. Just all the things that you haven't heard because you're so important. It's like 1950s just like. You didn't abandon your army. They weren't good enough for you. So he's like, oh, I fell asleep. This is just like my mom. This is nice. Goes straight to slumber. And then she just. Softly pulls out her hammer and stake and stabs him right in the temple. Oh, I love that. So good, right? Kills him dead. She's like, we can go home now. Fuck this. I hate bugs. It's hot out here. I want to go. I miss my kitchen. Brock's like, thank you. She's like, get the fuck out of my way or you're next. What the fuck you say to me? Yeah, she's dexing. She keeps walking. Oh, that's so funny because then I pictured Debra just seeing him with one black eye and she gives him a second one like clearly. You deserved it. I don't even need to know. You don't need to know what happened. You got a second one coming. No, I don't think Barack was a sissy because that was taken care of, but he definitely was soft or vulnerable, I would say. Yeah, just, yeah. Scared. Scared? He was, he was like, he was at a point where he was listening to God, right? He was humbled. He's, I, I hear you and I'm just still feeling uncomfortable. And that's, well, that's sweet. Yeah. Almost. So to ask for help and then to get it, I'm sure Deb wouldn't have belittled him. Like, We joke about. Right. Yeah. I was probably like much less than we joke about, but some, in some ways, like much more than we joke about. Cause those were like just real people with real problems. Well, you know what I was thinking about. We don't even understand those problems. No, for sure. Uh, and when we were just now going over that story, uh, when he's like, okay, I'll go if you go with me. I picture or imagine Judge Deb thinking, yeah, I will because I'm not going to not do the things I'm asking someone else to do. And that's just character speaking. Real judge of judges. She's, she's a judge, but I am all discernment. Debbie down. Debbie's down. Yeah. UDDD. I don't know what the third D stands for, but are you Debbie down though? How far down the Debbie hole do you want to go? Dude's Debbie down. I'll raise you a Debbie down. What's your big takeaway? Speak soft and carry a big steak. I love that. No, I like the very realness of God's presence, right? It's like the more I've come to like know the Holy Spirit and it's like, oh, wow, it's. That's a thing, like, dude, that is a real spirit with like a real, his own personality and his own, that's, that is the spirit of God. And I'm just so grateful to be, have him involved in my life. 100%. That's actually really good. The. So I would, I encourage anyone to like, you know, when you, and when you pray, don't pray to God like you see God. Pray to God like God sees God. Put aside your notations of God and what you think you understand about God. Cast it away. Forget about it because it is not what you think. Speak to God how God sees God. And pray to that revealing to you. Don't, or don't, just like, understand that you don't know God like you think you do. No, I think you do. I still don't know God like I think I do, you know? Uh, I think that's actually really good. The, we've been told things we've been told, right? So sometimes we get the idea or in the expectation. And that is just what we run with and stick with. Well, you end up praying to like this idea that you created and it's not, it might not be God anymore. You're just like, now you're just talking to yourself. That's how you get close. You sit with yourself. Right? No, it's true. There's so much to do. I don't know. What do I know? I just... I like it. I opened this whole thing up with a phone sex joke while I was having sex. It was quite immature. So this is why I say God's funny. It's so funny. Ring, ring. Who's there? God. Oh, damn. Caught me in a bad time. God called. He's like, no, I didn't. He wants his notoriety back. Oh, he's like, this is the only way I can get you to listen to me. That's funny. All right. That's awesome. Um, we're gonna keep you short. Sweet. You have something to say. Oh, yeah. I'm gonna release a song. I recently had a, like, six months ago or so, uh, my brother Reese, uh, overdosed on drugs and the people he was with. They didn't call for help. Did it, If you get a Narcan or anything, um, they instead decided to go over route two, which was take his phone, his drugs, and his wallet, like his money, and they left him on a, on a staircase To die and then to bypass or found him the next morning. So, um, I wrote a song about it. It's called Welcome to My Stairs. I'm really sorry. Thank you for sharing you with us. Yeah, of course. Of course. Um, yeah. So also in other news, we are ranked in Apple Podcasts for improv comedies. We're in the top 200 Top 200 of people who, we're top 200 of the class of, of the class of comedy that doesn't know what they're talking about before they start talking. We are ranking in people who don't know what the fuck they're talking about. And that's a big deal because that really says a lot. They're just like, hey, the people have spoken and we rank. Hey, big ranker. What do my fellow rank? Welcome to the ranks. I gotta say it feels good. Aw. Guys, thanks for hanging out. Yeah, thanks. Until next time. Rank in one hand. A bag-a-bottom. A bag-a-bottom. I'm not trying it out. Shut up. Shut up. Get off my mic.

Job Reloaded

- April 26, 2025

00:00:00 Unknown: Welcome back to the show. Hello, I am Jesse Cole Ward. This is Peggy Caroline Murphy and we are Top Shelf Bottom Shelf Bible Study. How do you say it? Which one's the top and which one's the bottom? That's for the, that's for the person tumbling, tumbling downhill listening to our vodcast to decide. This is why we study Bible. This is why we study Bible. Mom said Bible good. Bible bottoms. Top shelf Bible study from the bottom shelf. Bottoms up. So I read a story in the news. So I got good news and bad news for our gay friends. Good news is, you're gay. Yay! Bad news is, Sylvia is suing you. And by you, I mean that you're gay. In all the world, all the gay women, all the gay men, all the gay animals, if they're, if they're swinging gay. All the king's gay men and all the king's gay horsemen. I don't know what you guys did. What did you do to offend her so bad? Didn't take your shoes off. You never returned her casserole dish. Poor shame gave. Mmm. Mmm. You always take her good Bible pen. See all the boys from her yard. Were your shorts shorter than hers? A little cunty. Keep knocking on her door trying to sell her solar. Dang. Was she married ever? Was she a spinster? You know, some people would still be married today if they were for the gay. Gay? He's gonna have sex with me. Yeah, every gay person wants to have sex with you because you're straight. The manliest thing in the world is you're gay guys having sex. There's nothing manlier. There really isn't. I mean, think about it. There's no estrogen going on. It's all man, baby. Sure, he takes it in the ass, but he takes it like a man. Just like on the opposite side of that, there's nobody gayer than straight guys. Everyone's like, man, that guy's gay. Can you imagine? Just think about it. No, seriously. Think about it. They're probably having sex right now. Ugh. God, he probably wants to blow me. Man, it gets me all hot and bothered thinking about that. Every time I see him, I just want to think about him bugging me. Ugh. God, everybody just wants to take his clothes off and rail me right now. God. They know what I think about. You think about it? I'm thinking about it. I think about it all the time. We dedicate this one to you, Sylvia. Yeah, right. They didn't donate to her charity? Well, she was, yeah, planning an anti-human life enjoyment rally at her local A pro-life rally. Where they got together and lovingly spat on anyone getting an abortion that day. Basically hated your fellow man in the name of love. Jesus loves you. It's how I express love. You know what that makes me think of? Job. Segway. We need to work on our Segway. Job is so good. When I have heard people reference Job, it is often... Portrayed as how they can relate so much. And I can't believe how horrible God is for doing all that. And I spit on that. But no. This episode is entitled. Talk to you. I'm so mad I can spit. Like a camel. You can call me camel. Yeah, I get it. I walked right into that with my feet. So, A, God did nothing other than speak highly of Job. What's a quick snapshot of the story? Okay, Job is a righteous man. He's always done well for himself and by God, and for that he has been blessed with. Family, with wealth, with land, with animals, job, prosperity, friends, lots of them. And he prayed for his kids, everything. He was just through and through. Good man. One day Satan goes up and talks to God and he's like, I can make him denounce you. And I was like, uh, Job's like super faithful and he's my boy. Satan's like, I can do it. I can do it. So Satan goes and kind of takes all of his animals, kills them, takes his kids, kills them, takes his houses, kills those, like the big bad wolf. He blew that shit down. Health inspection. Shit. We've got complaints. He is on his knees wailing but also says what God gave me he can take away. Perhaps in those words. Yeah. Falls on his knees and worships. Mm-hmm. Shaves his head too. Yeah. So then he ends up getting these sores and these boils, these painful boils just being physically Miserable to boot, right? He had his emotional pain. Now here's the physical. His wife's yelling at him, telling him that he's covered in boils like he doesn't know. Sylvia comes in. Starts yelling at him. I like to think. And he's just sitting in a big pustule mess of sadness, pain, but still singing his praise to God. Mm-hmm. So with that, Satan had to go back up again, I think, in order to inflict the pain. And God's basically like, you don't get to kill him, but yeah, he's still my boy. Don't kill him if you kill him. His wife left at this point, which is probably, again, a blessing. Well, at least it's not all bad. Now the boys can come over. And they do. In come his three buddies. It's good. They do come to support. Important to note, I think, that they did sit in silence with him for a week just to let him know they were there. You actually see, like, as soon as you're gonna say something, you should be like, heh. Do you remember that one time? Right. I had a blister once. I was building that fence. It was Eliphaz, Bilzad, and Zopher. Yeah. But what were the three ways of thinking? Bad things happen because you did something. You thought about doing something. You can end whatever it is just by a false confessing it. Fake repentance? Fake repentance, yeah. That's like tithing with monopoly money. With that though, Job is taking account of his life going back to every little deed and I've been good. Like, I am good. I'm good through and through. Convincing his friends, convincing himself, reminding himself, reminding God about how faithful he's been. And he starts to kind of get into an, I have been good to you. And then Who comes in? My homeboy. Knock, knock. Who's there? You lied. Oh, it's the best bromance ever. They're like walking in. Sorry, bro. I just got back from windsurfing off the coast of wherever. He's like the Bill Broski from Saturday Night Live. Why who wants piss the stream so strong? They cut a porterhouse in half. I hate that porterhouse. That's Elihu. That's Elihu. The stuff legends are made of. Yeah. But they're not legends when they're true. So Elihu comes in with the idea of, hey, stop these ways of thinking. Maybe something worth considering is that which doesn't kill you can only make you stronger. Or my personal favorite. Things happen for you. Look, your wife's gone. Yay! Oh, dear. So Elihu goes into his suggestion. God comes in and he's like, Whoa, whoa, whoa. He's like saying this and that. And all of a sudden, I was like, you're the same. He's like, shit. I didn't know you were there. That's awesome. Hey, God, sorry. Oh, shit. You didn't tell me you was behind me the whole time? Why didn't you stop me? Oh, because yeah, I think they came into questioning God. It led, that's where it led, right? And he held out for quite some time before it led there, right? His friends didn't help. No, his friends were better when they were silent. They had more to say. I agree. I don't even think they brought him food. No, I can't say that. I'm just kidding. I mean, they knew his wife left him. What the fuck? Sylvius. I'd love to stay and help you with this joke, but I gotta go sue the gays. I'm gonna assume till they're straight in the face. That's awesome. You're gonna be buried in arbitration. You're not gonna have time to be gay. What are you gonna do when you win? I don't know. God basically says, listen. I have orchestrated everything just down to perfection. I have taught the moon where to go when it's time for the moon to sleep. I make sure that the dark isn't afraid of itself. Did you say that the dark isn't afraid of itself? Yeah, I just made that one up. Yeah. You guys should read it. I would highly recommend anyone read it. It's actually pretty awesome. It really is fantastic. Have you ever read like just the Lord saying the shit that he does? The epitome of God's like, I can't tell you how much this isn't about you. Seriously, so all these times that we're over here aged as either blaming him or holding him. Expecting him to do something that you can do for yourself. Yeah. He was reading bedtime stories to the stars. Making sure the billy goat has a baby just fine. Making sure that the ostrich knows what to do. The ostrich is funny. He's like, look at that thing. It's so dumb. I didn't give it any sense. But it'll run fast as well. Fuck. Faster than any of you. And the horse runs fast and that one will run right into danger. And he laughs at the horse. Do you make the morning dew? Yeah. Dang. Accountability, guys. And these are just examples he gives us with things that we can wrap our head around. So he has set up the direction for the exact path for the sun to travel on the axis. And he's locked the terrible things in the bottom of the depths under the darkness. He made the behemoth that can cut through the ice. It's fantastic. You got a bunch of snow and storehouses for the day of trouble? What the fuck? Yeah, you gonna go catch a behemoth? Or the Loch Ness? Are you gonna make justice out of all of the wrong in the world? Yeah, that's right. I was busy shaking the wicked out of the earth. Did you need something? Are you gonna go do this stuff for me? Excellent. Please read it. Good. So good. Good talk. Yeah. That is good. That was fun. Second favorite part? Mm-hmm. Is that Satan can't do anything without God's permission. And then he has to answer God whenever he talks to him. And it's so good because God's funny. He's like, where were you? Like, you don't know. Like trying to get out of work early or something. Keep your voice out. Keep your voice out. Hey Saiyan, shut the fuck up. I didn't know you were loud back here. What Saiyan? Oh, where you been? I hate this. Every time. It's his hooves clacking. He's like, of course you're gonna get heard. Yeah, yeah. You know, everyone's good. We all got our tasks for the next millennial. Okay. Oh, wait. Uh, Satan, real quick, in my office. Uh, bring your badge. We're letting you go and you don't work here anymore, but I'm still your boss. Do you understand? Doesn't matter. Here's the thing, I'm gonna simplify your rules for you. Wait, I mean, I don't know how the story goes. A little bit like that. Yeah, probably mostly like that. We'll recap that one in more depth at some point, but thanks for bottoming out with us. There's no depths. We will not sing. This is dumb. When we do Bible study. Don't worry, gays. We're next. Oh, not my God. That's so good. Why don't we read this stuff? I thought we were, yeah. Um, what's your takeaway? The takeaway is, wait, if Mary, can I do that one first? If Mary was sitting down with Sylvia, Do you remember Sylvia? Oh, yeah. And we know Mary. Oh, yeah. Pushed Jesus out of my kid birth canal. Jesus' mom? Yeah, that's the one. If they were sitting down to Christ. Yes. Yeah, I know Mary. Yeah. Like a little lamb. Like a little lamb of God. I could, ooh. So if Mary and Sylvia were talking, you know what Mary would do? Okay. Listen. To her whole seven-page rant on the anti-gays, even with her misquotes, and she would just listen. Yeah, I could see that. Mother Mary just being like, oh, honey. Like, okay. Yeah, you're heard. Your feelings matter. That's right. She's like, Sylvia. I want a Mother Mary hug. What's your takeaway from this? My takeaway is a lot of people have a lot of opinions on God, right? You're out of pocket, right? But speaking out of turn, a lot of people are making assumptions, which is fine and good. We're all here to have ideas, all that fun stuff, but like. People are getting to the point where they're condemning other people and they don't know enough to say so. There's a lot more stuff going on than you understand. And mostly, like, the very first and foremost thing to do at all is to love the Lord your God with all your heart. And then what's after that? Love your neighbor as yourself. And if what you're doing can't align with one of those or is in direct conflict with one of those, then maybe you should rethink what you're doing. And I say that unjudgingly. There's so much more going on than anyone understands, and I think that's huge to consider, especially when you're feeling bitchy. Yeah, you're right, Sylvia. I'm really happy that you have a voice. You might be like some very well-practiced lawyer. I don't know anything about Sylvia. I don't. I know more about the gays than I do about Sylvia. That is awesome. Um, yes. Oh, that's funny. Your big takeaway? That was my, oh, my takeaway was the Mother Mary thing. Oh. Take that, I took that away. Yeah. I'm trying to give it back. Oh, nice. What did that have to do with anything? I'm just joking. Right. No, um. Be sure to join us next week. Wait till I talk about something completely unrelated. Because you got a, you got a voice also. Sylvia, it's our podcast. You will learn so much about yourself. And your hosts and your guests. Yeah. And how they thrust their fists. And how many ums you say in a general conversation. Speakers in general. Um, it doesn't. Everyone, it, um, well, uh, um. Uh, if. How many breaths do you take? The big ones. How dehydrated your smacky lips sound. How fast you talk. How loud you talk. How loud you laugh. How loud we laugh. Yeah, you learn things about yourself. You should definitely do it. And you'll find out just how creepy you can be. When you really want to focus on it. It's so true. I found the gum. What the fuck are you? There you go.